NOAA Upgrades Wyoming Spring Weather to 'Complete As*hole' Status
Updated: Apr 19, 2021
It's true. What with a nasty spring rife with cold weather and enough precipitation to trigger a rain forest, the panel had no choice. In a move not seen in over two decades, The Climatology Panel for Ascribing Names to Weather Patterns at the NOAA has just escalated Wyoming weather status to, 'Complete Asshole.' In case you aren't privy to the new term, it's up one slot from, 'Angry Toddler' and one slot below the doomsday status of, 'Drunk NASCAR Fan.' Quipped the leader of the panel,
"Umm, yeah. It's pretty much July and still snowing on the regular. We've also received 87 inches of rain. The panel hasn't upgraded spring weather beyond 'Angry Toddler' status in some twenty years. This is huge."
No matter, though. With the wave of Shopko closures across the state, people are unable to sport the latest in Jordache spring fashion, anyhow. Best we just stay in hoodies and long pants. Remain cold and in mourning, Telegraphers.