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Pro-Choice Arborists Insist Absaroka Street Trees Have No Value Until They Become 2x4's

Powell, WY

The Absaroka Street widening project appears to be in full swing. Displacing residents who have to park in their front lawn to save their side view mirrors, droves of people with chainsaws took to the street to begin clearing trees. Like Saruman's Orks clearing Middle Earth, trees hit the deck by the thousands. Quick to curtail any negative press from would-be tree defendants, the lead Ork insisted,

We ain't had nuffin but maggoty bread for three stinking days. And these trees? These trees are nothing until they become kiln-dried, marketable lumber. They're just a blob of fibrous material until then. That's it.

The experts have spoken, and trees suck. At press time, Powell City Council had just been presented fresh legislation for all trees in town to be 'ethically culled' regardless of property owner's wishes. More on the story as it develops...

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