Yellowstone National Park
Huge news from America's first national park! Officials in charge of such things have recently announced the park will be opening on a limited basis, May 18th. While most predictable media sources focus on the needy, whiny, human's reaction to everything-The Telegraph has gone straight to the source. Here are what several park animals think of the news:
'UMMM... Does the Health Officer know about this?' -Carol, 43, Deer
'So, If I maul a tourist to death, do they count it as COVID-19?' -Biff, 50, Grizz
'Meh. We'll be too busy chewing the faces off elk to notice.' -Tad, 23, Wolf
'Yesss! It's been an eternity since someone has thrown a ton of rocks at me.' -Kip, 18, Weird Rodent
'I'm not trying to sound ignorant, here, but don't a ton of foreign people come to Yellowstone? Like Asians and New Yorkers and stuff?' -Skeeter, 61, Coyote
'Rest assured, my bros and I are ready to gore whatever we need to. OPEN THE GATES!' -Trent, 20, Buffalo
'National parks and Coronavirus and geysers and whatever are all symptoms of the patriarchy. Boo.' -Karen, 31, Weird Bird That Won't Stop Squawking
'Step in me, stupid!' -Infernal Mud Pot, 5M
'Can't get rid of a good time!' -Sue, 47, Lake Trout
'I'm just excited to crap in front of people, again. It's been too long.' -Rick, 65, Random Horse
'They're only here to see me, anyway. Relax.' -Paydon with 'D', 20, Bull Elk