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Park Animals React to News of Yellowstone Opening




Yellowstone National Park


Huge news from America's first national park! Officials in charge of such things have recently announced the park will be opening on a limited basis, May 18th. While most predictable media sources focus on the needy, whiny, human's reaction to everything-The Telegraph has gone straight to the source. Here are what several park animals think of the news:


'UMMM... Does the Health Officer know about this?' -Carol, 43, Deer

'So, If I maul a tourist to death, do they count it as COVID-19?' -Biff, 50, Grizz

'Meh. We'll be too busy chewing the faces off elk to notice.' -Tad, 23, Wolf

'Yesss! It's been an eternity since someone has thrown a ton of rocks at me.' -Kip, 18, Weird Rodent

'I'm not trying to sound ignorant, here, but don't a ton of foreign people come to Yellowstone? Like Asians and New Yorkers and stuff?' -Skeeter, 61, Coyote

'Rest assured, my bros and I are ready to gore whatever we need to. OPEN THE GATES!' -Trent, 20, Buffalo

'National parks and Coronavirus and geysers and whatever are all symptoms of the patriarchy. Boo.' -Karen, 31, Weird Bird That Won't Stop Squawking

'Step in me, stupid!' -Infernal Mud Pot, 5M

'Can't get rid of a good time!' -Sue, 47, Lake Trout

'I'm just excited to crap in front of people, again. It's been too long.' -Rick, 65, Random Horse
'They're only here to see me, anyway. Relax.' -Paydon with 'D', 20, Bull Elk
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