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Local Teens Probably Literally Going to Die From TikTok Withdrawals


Park County, WY


Day two of public school and things are going swimmingly! That is, except for droves of local teens experiencing sharp withdrawal symptoms from not being able to TikTok for twelve hours straight.

For those unfamiliar with TikTok, its an odd form of social media where youth convulse to weird songs and sound bytes. Over. And over. And over. And when they hit their app limit, proceed to convulse in such locations as the grocery store, orthodontist, and pretty much every other setting inside and outside the home.

Said a spokesteen for the scorned group,

'I've had it! Hours and hours before I can get home and do the Hand Jive to a DaBaby song seventeen times in a row! We're all probably literally going to die from it and the parental machine just laughs...'

Times are indeed tough for our youth, and the recent decline in TikToking sure is no exception. Our hearts go out to these embattled teens, along with the hopes and prayers that they learn to actually dance.


-The Telegraph

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