Local 5yo Ready to Hate All Christmas Gifts Containing Clothing
The big dance is upon us. Christmas Eve. The night parents have fought about for weeks now. The night kids have coveted for about 363 days. The night even militant atheists are like, 'fine, a couple gifts but we still don't believe in Jesus.' The night governor Gordon has rebuked Santa for planning to break curfew. The night one local five year old has avowed to hate all articles of clothing given under the guise of Christmas cheer. Said the little freedom fighter,
'Things will be going swimmingly, and all of the sudden. Boom. Socks. I swallow my sadness and act like I'm fine. Not this year, parents. Taste my blade of rebellion, this time!'
We salute you, broody young man. Socks and whatnot have plagued Christmases past and it's high time someone stood up for what is just. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a clothes-free good night.