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Gordon's Mask Mandate Extended to Monuments, Oil Wells, and Whatnot


Wyoming, USA


A mask mandate has befallen the Equality State, and heads have rolled. Eyes, too. Reactions have ranged from relief to disdain, but one thing everyone can agree on is that it was high time we had an elected official dictate more rules for what we can and cannot do under the duress of a pandemic-or really any other period in time, as well. Whew. We also agree that, really, any additional polarization surrounding COVID-19 is an added plus headed into an [ordinarily] special time of year or whatever.

Said the Governor in an interview we're pretty sure took place,

'Das Knuckleheads list has been expanded to includezen national monuments, das oil wells, der geysers, and mascots with respiratory systems.'

Inside sources indicate small businesses remain hopeful for further restrictions on making ends meet and stuff will also be implemented. No word from the Governor's camp at presstime.


-The Telegraph

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