Taking on national interests, The Telegraph has just received word that Dr. Anthony Fauci recently spotted his shadow- a sign some experts agree means more interviews with bad COVID news. The event is quite timely considering most Americans have had a blast during the pandemic and in no way possible could use encouraging news heading into the dead of winter. Said a source close to the immunologist and all-around fount of positivity,
"True story. He [Fauci] had just stepped out of a real uplifter where he called off Christmas and still advised mask use after being vaccinated. Then...boom...saw his shadow. Easily a year's worth of disparaging news ahead of us now."
Combined with celebrity tweets calling people selfish for not embracing eternal shutdowns, political unrest, and a litany of other debilitatingly bad things, Fauci's news of shadow-spotting is a total riot. More on this story at the exact moment you couldn't possibly stand anymore positive headlines. Stay tuned.