Dozens upon dozens of baffled Monster Truck spectators have been left to sort through the pieces of last night's Metra events-especially after waking up noticeably pregnant. Men, women, animals-all matter of adrenaline junkies-have defied the laws of accepted biology by somehow becoming pregnant at the venue. Frantic to provide answers for their readers-and the inexplicably pregnant- The Telegraph was able to connect with a fake expert on octane-induced pregnancies. Said no real person on the alchemy necessary for an event like this,
'It's rare, but the right combination of carbon monoxide, Bud Lite, AC/DC, and t-shirts with skulls on them can prove fertile ground for spontaneous pregnancy-especially when a truck named Girl Power and another painted like an anaconda, meet. We're going to need a ton of Monster Energy onesies...'
No word at press time indicating whether on not the father will be involved with raising the children. More from The Telegraph just as soon as we figure out who that actually is.