‘So after shutting down half the intersections in Powell for the street-widening project, we have seen zero traffic incidents on Absaroka Street. We firmly believe that by shutting down literally every remaining intersection in town, traffic incidents will plummet.’
A Powell Committee on crime and whatnot has just announced that the recent city-wide 25 mph speed limit has dropped overall crime in the area by 573%. With fresh momentum and a desire to cut incidents even further, the group has stated all Powell intersections will also be permanently closed. The idea gained traction after some 35 intersections have already been indefinitely closed for the Absaroka Street Construction Project.
When pressed by Telegraph Reporters for further proof of why the model will work, the Spokesperson snarked,
‘Duh, look what happened to shoplifting incidents after we closed Shopko.’